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Barely Noticeable

by John Magnuson

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1.
You found an old love letter That I sent you in the winter Of 1986 I trust you burned it You found a little lock Of my hair inside a box It hasn’t grayed a bit I trust you burned it You found a wrapped candy bar I gave you in that little bar Out on the highway strip You found that stupid poem That I wrote for you so far from home So full of woe and wit I trust you burned it You found our favorite song Another someone done somebody wrong song We had it on cassette I trust you burned it You found a wrinkled menu From our favorite pizza venue Small crowds, not too well-lit I trust you burned it You found that photo-copied Picture of that crappie I caught up in Baudette You found that old bandana That my folks bought in Atlanta Somehow you ended up with it I trust you burned it
2.
I thought the world was free Not run by gods in charge of chimps The hand we're dealt is fair The cards aren't marked and crimped I was a whore so sure Of the benevolence of pimps I stand corrected And sit corrected But I walk with a limp I stand corrected Still I sink into the sand I stand corrected But still I don't know where I stand I sit corrected But one leg's short, the rest are long All these corrections And yet so much, at times, seems wrong I thought the hand of fate Would shake our hands till wrists went limp My spirits, they would always Fly as high as silver blimps I could at least buy a new chair If I really saved and scrimped I stand corrected Sit uncorrected And I walk with a limp
3.
You can see her in the sky Stretching out her weary wings Quietly resigned to fly She’s a bird that doesn’t sing She'll look at you with eyes that long For dreams you cannot bring She wants to lift her voice in song She’s a bird that doesn’t sing Some guess that she’s just shy No telling what others will think “Her silence means she’s satisfied” She’s a bird that doesn’t sing Maybe she was born that way She’s always lacked some thing She should accept her songless days This bird who doesn’t sing I understand this silence My heart decries this yearning She suffers in her defiance She’s a bird that doesn’t sing You won’t hear her coo like doves I’ve heard it said by Augustine: “Singing belongs to one who loves” She’s a bird that doesn’t sing
4.
Not dead but just the same I may as well not have a name For some, it's sad For me, it brings no shame No force attracts me like the pull Of being barely noticeable To win and lose And yet not play the game Nothing liberates my soul Like being barely visible They sense that I'm around But can't be reached Forever in a state Of falling forward on my face After tripping over Halts to which I've screeched There is no place beyond The utter joy of being gone While still lurking near The field of play In the thoughts of just a few Maybe on a mind or two But out of everybody Else's way Someday they'll find me dead Just like that guy from off the internet Who never did exist Not unlike me Mostly void and null Barely noticeable The less within their reach The more I'm free
5.
We didn’t know we were searching When our souls found their match We thought they were already whole But it turns out they’re just patched Wary like a fledgling bird We want to try our new wings But we’re afraid of the danger The departure would bring Dreams of falling led me out on a limb Fears of falling led me out on a ledge Do I hang on to all the branches I know? Or do I blindly believe and step off the edge? Maybe we’re safe here There’s no need to stray In our homes we know so well On solid ground we'll stay You and I cannot fly With this hole in our heart Must our journey end Before it was able to start? Dreams of falling led me out on a limb Fears of falling led me out on a ledge Do I hang on to all the branches I know? Or do I blindly believe and step off the edge? Is our love forever Just a bit out of reach? Do we jump to our death? Or do we soar heavenly?
6.
The price of really saying How you feel is not worth paying Despite how it can buy you What you really, really want So you stay essentially silent And equip your harmless island With items that are useful and can be relied upon The rich control the weather This chair is not real leather There's nothing up the ruling party's sleeve We're all in this together I'll live with whatever You choose to believe Ghosts hear your repartee They hang on every word you say Living, breathing ghosts locked down in prisons that they haunt That's all they do, is listen And they know so much is missing It's straight from day to night to day, without a dusk or dawn Spaceships in the desert Way too small to measure Strange creatures we will meet on Christmas Eve We're all in this together I'll live with whatever You choose to believe Whatever you may tell them In all likelihood won't help them Just give them ammunition for more scrutiny and taunt So parts of you remain While others go, against the grain You seem to have departed and will stay completely gone Our fate depends on whether All this empty pleasure Is all that's left out there to be received We're all in this together I'll live with whatever You choose to believe
7.
Well I know you said goodbye But did you ever really go? And I know that you're not here no more But did you ever really go? That song is still playing that was on the radio When I peeked past my paper at you standing by the door You slammed it and the windows crashed and the same cold winds still blow Oh but I don't know Did you ever really go? I don't see you at church no more But did you ever really go? And I know you felt like hell But did you ever really go? I get mad, I say things in a voice that I don't know Devil cats get my tongue and twist it up in crooked bows When I said "Go to hell" I didn't think you'd really go Oh but I don't know Did you ever really go? I went walking through the cemetery Looking at the names on stones And I didn't see your name engraved Did you ever really go? In bed at night I swear I see drifting eyes that glow But when I turn on the light, I am bare naked and alone If I were sure that you're not here, then I'd beg you to come home Oh but I don't know Did you ever really go?
8.
What kind of cruel game does destiny play To show me the sun when the skies aren't gray? And even the clouds that I do sometimes see Aren't really so troubling to me Why send me one who can comfort and cure And then send another that seems even truer? Destiny, I wish you just would've gone And left well enough alone Now I have to live with the truth that hurts so If I left well enough, as if I could go I might find a soul that is even more true But I guess well enough will do I can't leave well enough alone I can't break her heart, or I guess I won't I never will reap what I never have sewn And I can't leave well enough alone
9.
As Do I 03:39
You fear the uncertain tomorrow You keep fires buried below You continue to put on a show As do I You wander around so confused You despair over all you could lose You still light matches close to the fuse As do I You wish we had met long ago You struggle with what you now know You keep thinking of that smoldering glow As do I You worry your heart’s gone astray You hope that this new light will stay You tell yourself there must be a way As do I You know now where our hearts belong You carry the torch in your song You wonder how love can be wrong As do I
10.
He didn’t relent when tensions rose He could’ve withdrawn, instead he chose To stand up and fight, absorb the blows He’s a bitter man than I He isn’t a monster deep inside But temperatures rise, then don’t subside The truth hurts, and so he lied He’s a bitter man than I Ties either bind Or just unwind He’s losin’ it all, his wife, his mind Tearing up documents he signed Dimming the lights that used to shine He’s a bitter man than I Liquor’s the chicken and the egg It cost him his soul, an arm, a leg Follow the liter, fall, renege He’s a bitter man than I It seems to ease But just deceives It started to fall so long ago Domino after domino If you had to face what he’s been through You’d be bitter too Whatever don't kill ya makes ya strong He kept telling himself that all along Only to find it’s just plain wrong He's a bitter man than I
11.
Restrained 04:17
The sky calls out the loudest To those who have clipped wings Guitar rings out the proudest With tension on its strings The words mean so much more When you keep 'em to a limit Seconds are most savored When you only got a minute Where the current is restrained The river overflows Wider and higher In the forest of hidden desires Burn the brightest fires Restrained A lover’s face is clearer Right before she says goodbye The stars can better lead us In the deepest darkest sky The sun is always warmest To those stuck in the cold The happiest endings are those In stories not yet told Holding back Restrained Nothing can be lost Nothing can be gained Holding back Restrained Nothing can be lost Nothing can be gained Crumbs taste so much sweeter To those with hunger pain We thirst most for water When it’s going down the drain The urge to breathe is greater When you gotta hold it in And love is all the stronger When it’s doomed from the beginning
12.
Another gin and tonic And I'll die from it I made my pool of vomit So I'll lie in it Can't stand the thought of whiskey now And wine won't do But a beer? I don't mind if I do Wine's a snooty mother Gin is medicine Whiskey is the devil But beer is just a friend The others taint my liver And leave me cold and pale But if there was a river of Beer, I would set sail A stream where troubled waters Can calm a troubled man I'd clean with sponge and blotters And wring 'em into cans Taketh from the river and Giveth back in tow As the course delivers me To where I'm bound to go Lead, beer, and I'll follow I've nothing else to do With every happy swallow I'll drink a toast to you If I don't make it home I still know I'll make it through I don't mind if I don't And I don't mind if I do
13.
I will sit with you Under shady trees And I will stroke your hair But only in my dreams… I'll dance this waltz with you We'll keep a perfect beat Our feet won't touch the ground But only in my dreams… I will hold your hand I will kiss your cheek I will watch you sleep But only in my dreams… I will make a pledge I'll get down on one knee I'll give you my hand But only in my dreams… I’ll be forever yours Forever mine you’ll be We’ll live so happily But only in my dreams… Only in dreams Will you be mine Only in dreams Can I spend my time Only in dreams Can I spend my time

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released November 20, 2020

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John Magnuson Minneapolis, Minnesota

Back in the 90’s, John Magnuson was in a Minneapolis band called the Carpetbaggers. John was the middle guy in that band. On November 20, 2020, Magnuson released an album called "Barely Noticeable". It features Peter Anderson, Stephen Murray, Ray Barnard, Paul Bergen, Dave Boquist, Alissa Jacobsen, Becky Kapell, Ian Nygaard, and George Turklebaum. ... more

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